[read part 1] [read part 2 (1st act)] [read part 2 (2nd act)]

A shot of the letter I sent Larry!

Larry never had the chance to call or email me about the letter Mitchell Richards had sent him. Two days later at 5:45 in the morning, his wife began calling me over and over. She called 3 (maybe 4) times in a row. For someone who had no idea that I was behind the letters, I was shocked at her lack of courteousness. My wife was eight months pregnant at the time and we both had full days of work to attend that day.

I never answered the phone that morning and as soon as I arrived at work, my office phone began ringing off the hook. Once I did take a call she threatened to sue me and said she had called the police for giving out Larry’s name and address; she called me a few bad names, said I was guilty of libel and was outrageously rude to the girl answering the phone for our office. It was a fabulous spectacle.

It was now time for me to implement part 3 of the prank.

Originally I had no idea how this prank would end. I almost planned on Larry receiving the letter, calling me in disbelief then we both having a nice “GOTCHA!” laugh. But his wife had elevated it to a new level.

Suddenly thoughts of my last visit to Larry’s home came to mind. I remembered his wife telling me I’d be a worthless parent simply because I couldn’t get her baby to stop crying. I remembered her cussing poor Larry out in the bed room while she left her two young children with me in the adjacent living room. It was no wonder her poor baby screamed in anguish. It was easily one of the most unsettling situations I had ever been in during my lifetime. But if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you have to suck up the wrath of a bitchy wife for your friends. My wife has shown her ass a few times before too. The bro code requires a bro hold no hard feelings against his buddy’s sometimes not so better half.

This time was different. The bro code had been superseded. She had attacked and threatened me personally. This was war; and it was now as much a war I fought for Larry as me. I was going to prank her good.

That night on the eve of Halloween I gathered a few poster boards and some magic markers. I created 5 posters that I’d post up on Larry’s property. The plan was that they’d come home and find them, thinking that the GARP animal activist nuts were mounting an offensive against them for the horrible things Larry had allegedly done to the poor groundhog and deer.

The posters were amazing. I stuck them all along his front door and porch. Hidden below the two on his front door I posted a huge poster of a Jack-o-lantern, reading Trick or Treat, smell my feet! I figured they’d peel them off in disgust, revealing the Halloween poster then suddenly they would realize the whole thing was a big joke.

Larry called me later that afternoon from work. He told me his wife had discovered the posters. She told him that protesters had spilled deer blood on the porch and that the posters were graphic and gory. The prank had finally climaxed.

I revealed to Larry that I was behind it all. There was no deer blood, no vandalism, just funny posters. And I’ll let you judge whether they were gory or not.

Larry sat on the other end of the phone call nearly speechless. I had totally stumped him. Later he revealed that they suspected it may have been me but never actually thought me to be the true culprit because the letters were so well written and free of grammatical errors. I’m not sure whether that was a compliment or insult.

Regardless, it was best prank I have ever seen anywhere. I’ve not failed to amaze anyone who has heard or read the story yet.

In retrospect I’d like to say sorry if I’ve made your life hell, Larry. But admit it, if this had happened to anyone else, you’d be praising me for pulling off one of the best pranks ever. You guys swallowed this story, hook, line and sinker. This practical joke transcended just being funny, it was a masterpiece, a true work of art.

Check out the posters! Click to bring up a larger shot in a lightbox, hover over the right side of the image to move to the next image in the collection:

[read part 1] [read the first half of part 2]

To elevate the situation, I told Larry that I edited the correspondence he sent me above and sent it to Mr. Richards, mocking him.

After the initial emails, I decided to muster up all the patience I could and sit on the prank a while, letting it develop and ferment. Halloween was coming in a few weeks and I wanted for that day to be the day of my grand finale.

In those few weeks before Halloween I drafted up the ultimate letter. I embodied the soul of an animal rights activist freak. As Mitchell Richards, the senior board member for GARP Atlanta I pledged to bring Larry to justice, but also to assist him in finding treatment for his sickness. I even topped the letter with an official looking GARP letter head, included the genuine GARP return address, and then drove 25 miles to the actual postal district that GARP’s address was located in and mailed the letter, ensuring that it would have the correct post mark when Larry received it in the mail!

Read the official GARP letter Mr. Richards mailed to Larry below:

PO Box 2042
Roswell, GA 30077
October 22, 2008

Larry Glavoltz
30 ##### ##
Dallas, GA 30132

Dear Mr. Larry Glavoltz,

There are fewer things more precious and dear to American’s than justice and equality. These two simple yet elegant ideas demand fair treatment for the sake of our right to co-exist. These ideas bind our country together. They are the fabric of the patchwork quilt that blankets this country in warmth and unity. It is what makes the United States great.

Georgia Animal Rights and Protection and PETA feel that the rights extended and crafted from the very heart of justice and equality are unalienable not only to Man, but to all the living creatures of the world. It is my mission as a lifelong member of both of these reputable organizations to uphold these standards to the greatest of my ability.

Recently I was made aware of a website article that outlined the brutal murder of an innocent creature. The website article told the story of a deer that became wedged inside the driver’s side window of a vehicle passing along the animal’s path as it made its way through the woods. Instead of remaining calm and assisting the creature in becoming free, the operator of the vehicle dashed his brains out with a hammer.

I contacted the administrator of this website and received a very distasteful response. This response served as a direct admission of guilt and also made light of another act of blatant animal brutality involving a groundhog. The administrator of the website then named you as the culprit involved in these acts of violence and malevolence.

Further correspondence with this gentleman has only served to tease and undermine the mission of my organization. As a result I have requested the assistance of various animal rights and law enforcement organizations in our communities to resolve this issue. I have also conducted an interview with the foreperson that oversees the development of the construction zone concerned with the new Trump Tower off 14th St. Atlanta, while investigating the story I was told concerning the groundhog. I am sad to report that he recollects seeing more than a few carcasses of dead animals. I can only hope that you are not responsible for all these.

I request that you cooperate fully with the local authorities in their investigation of these acts. Please do not take these allegations lightly. I hope that you will take a serious look at yourself and determine if you have a problem.

In closing I would like to say that I am a firm believer in rehabilitation. If you should discover that you have a problem with animal abuse, I would be more than happy to connect you with a support group. GARP offers group therapy sessions free of charge to those afflicted with personality disorders of this nature. Our animal sensitivity focus groups have an extremely high success rate in rehabilitating those who have a history of animal abuse. As the program teaches the individual how to respect those who are members of the animal kingdom, it enriches the student with a healthier respect for their community, their common man and most importantly, themselves.

I invite you to contact me directly with any questions at 770-###-####.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
Mitchell Richards
Senior Board Member, Georgia Animal Rights & Protection

Now that you’ve read the letter, prepare yourself for the climax of The Greatest Prank of All Time!
Read Part III!

[read part 1 first]

About a year had passed since the introduction of the stories, everyone seemed to still believe them and occasionally I’d be asked to re-tell them when Larry was brought up by anyone at work. They were a huge hit, and no one ever hinted at the fact that Larry or I may just be full of crap, or at least playing a joke on them.

Halloween was coming up and it was time to introduce a new joke. This time Larry would be the victim. I typed up the story of The Deer Killer with all the wonderful and gory details it had grown over the year and let it sit online for a few weeks.

While planning the joke, I knew that if there was one thing Larry despised, it was the ultra liberal, candy ass hippies. At the top of this hippie hate list are the out of touch, environmentalist nut jobs from Greenpeace and the meat hating, vegan freaks from PETA. Obviously, exploiting his dislike of PETA was the golden ticket to a great prank in this case.

In the Atlanta area there appears to be no local chapter of PETA, but there is an organization called GARP. GARP, or Georgia Animal Rights and Protection are a non-profit group who, like PETA, act in the interests of animals. I decided to use GARP as the foundation of my prank. GARP’s website is www.GARPAtlanta.org.

I kicked off the prank by purchasing www.GARP-Atlanta.org and redirecting it to the legitimate, very similar GARP URL. Next I invented an identity, a big shot at GARP who would work to deliver justice for the animals Larry had killed! I changed all the Who-Is registrant info for my fake domain to match the name of this new person I made up. I used the phone number from an old pre-paid cell for the contact phone number and used the same registrant mailing address that existed from the real GARP organization address as my address. Then I created a GARP-Atlanta.org email address for my fake identity.

I wanted to be sure that if this prank were being played on me, even I’d fall for it.

Next I sent myself an email from the fictitious GARP official, Mitchell Richards, stating that PETA had made him aware of the alleged animal abuse taking place in his community. The email proclaimed GARP and PETA’s distaste for my story and demanded I take it down. Read the letter below:

Next, I emailed Larry and asked him what the deal was with the email. I acted like I thought he was actually trying to play a joke on me. Larry wrote back, saying he had nothing to do with it, adding that the guy was obviously a whack job.

Then, without Larry’s consent I decided to write Mr. Richards back, taunting him and revealing Larry’s full name and address. Larry read the reply; he was thrilled and didn’t appear to mind that I had given his personal info out. He commended me on my sarcasm and mastery of being a huge jackass. In fact, his response to my response was classic.

My reply email:

Larry’s reply to my reply:

Then I had to nag it on further with my next response:

Next was his master response:

The plot thickens! Continue on to the conclusion of part II.

Roughly a year ago, my good friend Larry was in a car accident. On his way to work he was side swiped by a deer, leaving a huge, gaping dent in his car door. Upon hearing the news I had an ingenious idea for a prank. I quickly fabricated what would become one of the most ridiculous stories of all time. The story of The Deer Killer!

In my wife’s family there exists an inside joke amongst some of us about a certain family member who one time claimed a deer collided with the side of his truck, became lodged in the window and thrashed him, leaving him bruised and black eyed. In reality, this person had simply received a beating from some co-workers for having a big mouth. The story was fabricated to save face.

What person would ever believe such a ridiculous story? Well, turns out a few people in the family did (his wife and maybe one of the daughters). This got me thinking, did they actually believe the ridiculous tale simply because they wanted to, or in their eyes was it a legitimate, believable story.

I took the family member’s fabrication and adapted it to Larry’s story, but instead of Larry being the victim, he would become an epic character, a killer of beasts! I came to work and told the grand, tall tale style story to all of Larry’s former co-workers, creating the details on the fly. I told how the deer thrashed, kicked and gnarled and how Larry, clinging to life and in total desperation, reached for an auto hammer and dashed the creature’s brains out!

I traveled from office to office telling this tale, it became grander each time. Eventually the tale became a legend, an epic like Homer’s Odyssey. Over the course of a month congregations formed to hear the tale. I was asked to re-tell the story easily a dozen times those first few weeks. No one could believe that Larry, someone who appeared so quiet and strait laced, was capable of this. Despite all the ridiculousness, everyone did believe. I was amazed. Larry had become an office hero.

Months went by and eventually Larry told me another animal story about a groundhog he had captured, that was burrowing under the foundation of his home. His story included a little tidbit about his wife complaining at him to catch it. I ran with the new story to build onto the legend.

I still remember the morning I introduced the new tall tale. I burst into the office that day and told the story of an over worked and stressed out Larry, who couldn’t catch a break from his overbearing, nagging wife. Larry was now working 60 hour weeks at the big office down in Mid-town Atlanta and his wife grilled his ass day and night about this pest.

Eventually Larry snapped, he lured the groundhog into a cage, threw it in the back of his car and toted it down to the office with him. That day he parked at the top of the 4 story parking garage, walked to the edge and threw the furry fiend off the side of the building into a neighboring construction site! Larry had gone postal.

The office erupted in laughter and shock. They lapped up the story like a thirsty dog on a hot summer day. It was a huge hit. Now everybody knew one thing was certain, Larry was a certified badass, even more badass than ninjas, lumber jacks or Chuck Norris. They even all started referring to him as Badass-Larry.

In reality, Larry had simply released the burrowing creature down the street from his house.

Continue on to part II of The Greatest Prank of All Time!