In my continued struggle to fight the surge of pop culture desire for vampires I decided to get a better handle on how popular this phenomenon really is.  I was astonished.  A quick Google Analytics search demonstrated that there are nearly 53,100,000 topics and discussions regarding “New Moon“,  the newest addition to the Twilight saga.  [...]

I love to hate people who think they are allergic to everything. These sad little peons fear all types of microorganisms. They use their hypochondria to attain special treatment and sympathy and more times than not, we all suck it up like a thirsty dog lapping up antifreeze on a hot summer day. These people [...]

Every time a new homeowner association comes into power, Satan ejaculates onto his chest. Genocide is taking place in Africa, countless are dying at the hands of religious fanatics around the world and the banks and politicians are raping us all from behind but despite all this delightful evil, homeowner associations are the icing on [...]

Thanks to men like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, we’ve learned that anything can be a religion. Men like this take the fictitious works of science fiction novelists like L. Ron Hubbard (or even George Lucas) and indoctrinate it into the feeble minds of the shallowest of mankind. Simply put, people love to worship things [...]

An Australian research group has found hard evidence (pun intended) that men who masturbate five or more times a week may reduce their chances of developing prostate cancer. The positive effect of self induced ejaculation helps reduce cancer-causing chemical buildup and appears to be most beneficial to males is their 20s. Fortunately the benefits can [...]

Especially in the nation’s most populous state, California.  Apparently in Seaside, school administrators thought that elementary school children needed a quick lesson from the school of hard knocks or that they should just die rather than someone not going through all the bullshit red tape to go home when that someone feels too awful to [...]

The secret war between the teachers and youth of America is heating up! This time a group of nine third graders plotted an attack against their teacher. The official report didn’t specifically state this, but I’m assuming these kids were mentally retarded or disabled someway or other. The teacher was after all a veteran special [...]

This is a warning to all you pathetic, candy ass school children out there! Teachers everywhere are fed up with how utterly inadequate you all are. You are supposed to be the future of this country and quite frankly, we’re all scared to death of what is to come. Another teacher has taken action against the current generation of [...]

It’s common knowledge amongst Americans that the majority of the white population of the West Coast consists of tree hugging hippies. These hippies enjoy embracing and living in infinite fear. For these folks, some sort of impending doom always looms on the horizon one way or the other.Now the hippies are scared of WiFi. The [...]

As a child I had a very nervous stomach. Every day up until I graduated high school I’d be hit with the sudden urges to take huge dumps at school, always at the worse possible times.My irritable bowel syndrome was never a problem I could shake until I hit college. I guess the anonymity of [...]