To the woman at work who constantly gabs on and on about how much she loves rock climbing, we do not give a FUCK! I understand that rock climbing gives you an indescribable, unparalleled rush. I understand that rock climbers everywhere feel obliged to plaster the back of their Subaru station wagons in rock climbing [...]
To the fat social media whore in her 40′s (exhibit A) who sits across from me at work and feels it appropriate and necessary to have loud and distracting conversations on the phone with her sister/husband/mother/best friend, in her little 16 square feet of hell in cubicle-land – WE DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! We [...]
A friend of mine sent me an article about Mike Huckabee criticizing Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock while also being in the public limelight. At first thought, it didn’t really bother me or strike me as surprising. Mike is a Baptist preacher and a TV/Radio host. Criticizing people for not being [...]
I currently have a very active, curious, rambunctious two year old who is more work than I ever imagined she would be before she was born. The thought of having a second child was something my wife and I had pretty much checked off our to do list. Spawning just a single demon offspring was [...]
Today I have eaten 4 pieces of birthday cake. This cake isn’t anything special. Its chocolate, not especially moist, the icing is thick and it has Elmo on the front of it. Everything about this cake depresses me. The taste is mediocre, the icing is overly sweet and too thick and with every bite I [...]
RECOMMENDED USE: Drink one half (1/2) bottle (one ounce) for moderate energy. Drink one whole bottle (two ounces) for maximum energy. Do not exceed two bottles of 5-Hour Energy shots daily, consumed several hours apart. Use or discard any remainder within 72 hours (three days) after opening. Refrigeration not required. CAUTION: Contains caffeine comparable to [...]
I pulled up in the rental, a brand new 2010 Ford Explorer. Equipped with satellite radio, heated seats, and even four wheel drive. My teammates looked on with excitement, most of us drive pieces of shit that we can’t even guarantee will crank up each morning. We filed into the car one by one attempting [...]
As constant as the Northern Star for the early explorers of Earth, every group of decent looking females has that token obese friend. My curiosity does not peak at “does this phenomena exist” because of course it does, but rather “why?”. Why must every group of hotties feel the need for an overweight friend? This [...]
They are taking over like aids in Africa and there is nothing we can do about it. These pale and boyish bastard excuse for males are causing young women everywhere to cream themselves – like you wish you could do. Your four year old daughter likes them, your fourty year old wife loves them, even [...]
Three months ago my wife gave birth to our first child. Since then our world has turned upside down. Suddenly there is an influx of dirty laundry, more cleaning, and because of all the new expenses, a whole lot less money to go around. But despite the changes, I have found being a father to [...]