Join in on the fun!

Do a Google image search on midgets and you’ll find tons of disturbing, mini, fun sized filth. Click the link and check it out for yourself!

A while back I received a forwarded email about the great bar sport of Midget Tossing. The game captivated me. I found myself wishing I could become a midget for one night (but only one since midgets are scary looking) so I could participate in the event. I wanted to get hammered, drape myself in a Velcro Superman costume and be thrown onto a big, fuzzy wall.

Like every other junk email reading American in the world, I fired up Google and immediately did a search for images of midgets. Turns out that was a badchoice. Immediately tons of midget porn shots popped up in the results. Page after page, I found images of midget women indulging themselves with penises as long and tall as their tiny bodies. A search for dwarf tossing returned one result of a little hot midget chick licking butt hole (get it, tossing as in tossing salad!) As intrigued as I was, I left my viewing to a quick peek show and closed the browser after a few page views. The last thing I needed was to get fired for looking at midget porn at work.

So a few days went by, nothing was said and I figured no one noticed what I had stumbled on to at work. Then Friday afternoon came… my boss buzzed my phone and asked me into his office. I immediately began freaking out inside.

Most people appear to have very one sided relationships with their boss. Anytime mine has ever called me (or anyone I suspect) into his office, it’s not to congratulate me on a job well done or give me a pat on the back, it’s rarely to outline a new project he wants me to work on and seldom is it to discuss a new idea or pass a proposal by me. Every time my boss has ever called me into his office, it was because I was in some kind of trouble. And getting called into his office on a Friday afternoon could only mean one thing, my ass was grass. My goose was cooked. I was being fired.

During my first year in the work force, completely green, inexperienced and literally right out of college, I had to learn a few rookie lessons.  Innocent comments and small jokes made in emails (even emails you didn’t necessarily write) can be damning. Even a personal website like this one can be damning, which is why it’s ever important to never name your work place, or write directly about anyone you work with in a negative light!

I learned quickly as a rookie employee that 1st Amendment rights, comedic satire and baseless accusations take a backseat to an overweight female with low self esteem and too much time on their hands. Baseless accusations still have to be pursued when they arise, which is why if I walked into my bosses office today and said Jimmy down the hall sexually harassed me by the coffee machine, he’d have to reprimand Jimmy. It’s a sad fact of life.

Needless to say, I’ve since decided to wise up and start flying under the radar. I ceased all email correspondence to co-workers that was not business related and limited water cooler talk to a simple hello and goodbye. I am sad to say that I have learned the corporate world can be a cold, humorless place.

Now here I am, Friday afternoon sitting in the chair directly across from my boss. He’s on the phone with someone and I am fidgeting with my wedding ring, anxiously wondering why I’m here. I quickly ran through the various scenarios mentally as I waited to be addressed:

“What could I have done,” I thought, “Did I sexually harass someone? Did I tell another bad joke or send a bad email? Nope, none of that is possible. I’m never late. I’ve made all my deadlines… Oh crap! MIDGET PORN!” I had figured it out. I was getting fired for looking at midget porn.

My boss hung up the phone, “Peavey, I was looking over your performance review and I noticed a few things that needed to be changed a bit. Sign here so I can turn it into HR.” I looked at him almost dumbfounded. “Oh, I’m not in trouble? Alright, where do I sign?”

Whew! Disaster averted. Peavey lives to fly another day.

I must admit though, later that night I did masturbate to some of those midgets. Just kidding, those little Oompa Loopas freak me out.  That one pic I uncovered of the midget tossing salad nearly made me toss my cookies.

Post Title: Fired Over Midget Porn?
Your Jackass Author: Peavey
Posted On: 19th November 2008
Filed As: Life In General, Links to Stuff We Like
Comment Feed: RSS 2.0

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