Archive for October, 2008

Ban the Pixie Stix!

Friday, October 31st, 2008

Today is Halloween. Kids are dressed up everywhere, a feeling of mischievousness is in the air and candy is abundant. My little cousins, nieces and nephews are dressed up like princesses and ghouls, and a few are even Varsity workers! Others have their faces painted or are wearing funny wigs and masks, and at this [...]

Hello Bubble Girl

Monday, October 20th, 2008

I love to hate people who think they are allergic to everything. These sad little peons fear all types of microorganisms. They use their hypochondria to attain special treatment and sympathy and more times than not, we all suck it up like a thirsty dog lapping up antifreeze on a hot summer day.
These people refuse [...]

More General Dissatisfaction

Friday, October 17th, 2008

My very pregnant wife called me a moment ago to tell me about yet another abysmal Wal-Mart experience. Some might wonder why we would ever go back to Wal-Mart after so many bad experiences. Well, more times than not that’s all there is within close range. This was one of those times.
Today my tubby, [...]

Satan Loves Homeowner Associations

Monday, October 13th, 2008

Every time a new homeowner association comes into power, Satan ejaculates onto his chest. Genocide is taking place in Africa, countless are dying at the hands of religious fanatics around the world and the banks and politicians are raping us all from behind but despite all this delightful evil, homeowner associations are the icing [...]

Swollen, Handsome Preggo Udders

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

Last week my wife and I took a tour of the hospital she is birthing our child at. It was an insanely painful ordeal. We were caught in a group of 5 families, all of different walks of life and all including a very pregnant woman, each unknowingly torturing me in her own [...]