Monthly Archives: May 2008

Rise Up Against Restroom Inequality!

This morning at work I was walking down the hall, looking forward to taking my daily morning poop when I notice the door to the women’s restroom was propped open. Out of curiosity I glanced inside to discover the PARADISE women enjoy while relieving themselves in the restroom at my place of work. The women’s [...]

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Darth Vader Attacks Founders of Jedi Church

Thanks to men like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, we’ve learned that anything can be a religion. Men like this take the fictitious works of science fiction novelists like L. Ron Hubbard (or even George Lucas) and indoctrinate it into the feeble minds of the shallowest of mankind. Simply put, people love to worship things [...]

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Bleeding to Death? Don’t Knock on My Door.

Last week I got new neighbors. Their arrival nearly blindsided me. I literally came home from work one day and they were just there, practically fully moved in. Having neighbors is a part of life. If you aren’t lucky or wealthy enough to live on a large piece of property shielded from the surrounding populace, [...]

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Concession Stand Vendors Suck Testicles

Last night I went to the Braves vs Padres games. It was good times hanging out with some friends, taking it easy and enjoying our national past time. I had offered Larry a ticket (FOR FREE) but he wimped out despite the fact that he works only a few blocks from Turner Field. The weather [...]

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The Clinton Text Message Crusade!

My boss is a staunch Republican. But even more so, he’s a staunch Hillary Clinton hater! About 6 months ago I signed him up to receive Hillary Clinton text messages on his company cell phone. For the past 6 months, at least once a day I hear the boss pronounce, “If Hillary Clinton sends me [...]

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I hate fat kids.

This morning while I was sitting at a red light on my way to work I noticed a fat little chub of a kid sitting in the backseat of the car beside me. In his hands was what appeared to be a gigantic bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. The little porker was tearing into it [...]

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