Archive for May, 2008

Rise Up Against Restroom Inequality!

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

This morning at work I was walking down the hall, looking forward to taking my daily morning poop when I notice the door to the women’s restroom was propped open. Out of curiosity I glanced inside to discover the PARADISE women enjoy while relieving themselves in the restroom at my place of work. The women’s [...]

Darth Vader Attacks Founders of Jedi Church

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

Thanks to men like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, we’ve learned that anything can be a religion. Men like this take the fictitious works of science fiction novelists like L. Ron Hubbard (or even George Lucas) and indoctrinate it into the feeble minds of the shallowest of mankind. Simply put, people love to worship things [...]

Bleeding to Death? Don’t Knock on My Door.

Monday, May 12th, 2008

Last week I got new neighbors. Their arrival nearly blindsided me. I literally came home from work one day and they were just there, practically fully moved in. Having neighbors is a part of life. If you aren’t lucky or wealthy enough to live on a large piece of property shielded from the surrounding populace, [...]

Concession Stand Vendors Suck Testicles

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

Last night I went to the Braves vs Padres games. It was good times hanging out with some friends, taking it easy and enjoying our national past time. I had offered Larry a ticket (FOR FREE) but he wimped out despite the fact that he works only a few blocks from Turner Field. The weather [...]

The Clinton Text Message Crusade!

Monday, May 5th, 2008

My boss is a staunch Republican. But even more so, he’s a staunch Hillary Clinton hater! About 6 months ago I signed him up to receive Hillary Clinton text messages on his company cell phone. For the past 6 months, at least once a day I hear the boss pronounce, “If Hillary Clinton sends me [...]

The Adventures of Shat: The Peeping Toms, part III

Monday, May 5th, 2008

Part 3: The Peeping Begins! Shat had developed a good friendship with Mrs. Greare’s son Nate as a younger child and spent a fair amount of time at their house. Shat would brag about seeing Mrs. Greare in her underwear or bikini and he swore she walked around the house in skimpy nightgowns when he [...]

I hate fat kids.

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

This morning while I was sitting at a red light on my way to work I noticed a fat little chub of a kid sitting in the backseat of the car beside me. In his hands was what appeared to be a gigantic bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. The little porker was tearing into it [...]