An Australian research group has found hard evidence (pun intended) that men who masturbate five or more times a week may reduce their chances of developing prostate cancer. The positive effect of self induced ejaculation helps reduce cancer-causing chemical buildup and appears to be most beneficial to males is their 20s. Fortunately the benefits can last until a man is in his 50s.
This is great news for men everywhere. As a habitual closet masturbator who pleases himself at a minimum of twice daily, I’m all but guaranteed to not get prostate cancer!
I think this gives me the perfect excuse to get that subscription to Playboy magazine now. Eh, what the hell. I’m serious about preventing prostate cancer so I’m going to get a subscription to Hustler too!
This breakthrough discovery calls for closet masturbators everywhere to come out of the closet. This research should instill courage in all of us. Masturbation is good for you. Say it with me, it feels so right.
Masturbation should no longer be something restricted to behind closed doors. Men everywhere are sick and tired of cowering in shame, rushing frantically to rub one off while the wife is taking a poop break and the kids are preoccupied by Barney & Friends, all the while sitting with our backs turned in the other direction for that breif moment of guilty pleasure. And no more wanking it in the shower either! Using soap as lube makes the end of my penis burn and my imagination just isn’t that damn good anymore!
We need our own fraternal organization, an association that will essentially be the masturbators lobby. I propose we call it the Organization of Regular Guys Enjoying Ejaculation or ORGEE for short. It’ll be great. You’ll all see!
Next time your wife, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, girlfriend or priest catches you beating off, tell them you aren’t ashamed anymore. Tell them you find support and courage through ORGEE!
Masturbation is good for you. Say it with me again… it feels so right.
Read more about it HERE!
2 Comments
You shouldn’t write about masturbation anymore. It’s disgusting.
Great, thanks!